Okay

No real thoughts this week, so no real post..... but that's ok. soon it will be september and everything will be different in a better way hopefully!

1404 days

A few weeks ago I broke the streak of being a mouse artist...as in, using the mouse to make digital art.

It was a decision I made on a whim one day. Even though I have a tablet, my desk area was too small and it was becoming inconvenient to have to take it out every time I wanted to draw. The mouse is always there, so why not?

I was a mouse artist before I ever used a tablet, anyway, thanks to Disney Create (siiiigh), so it was a bit of a return to form.

Now that I'm back on a tablet, there are a few differences I've noticed. Obviously, there's a lack of pen pressure, but there's also the controlled feeling of everything. You don't wave your mouse around all willy-nilly, right? You're always aiming for a destination. Because of this, I think my art always lacked some "soul" ...

Anyway. Using a mouse isn't too bad, but if you want more room for expression, it's probably a bad idea to use one. I find that using it for too long makes it hard to return to more traditional forms of art, despite the fact that using a mouse isn't exactly natural for people.

I'll end it with some art to show my progression in using a mouse.

I remember this being my first ever mouse art. (I do not know who this girl is.)

 

And here are the next 4 years...

 

Yep, yaup, yep! (All this to say, I'll still be using it just out of habit... but it was fun to recollect on the past five years of using a mouse for art!)

Worlds

the dead internet theory claims that there are differences in content between mobile and desktop, which is obviously true but hilarious that it makes it out to be scary

but this makes me think about how, even though we're all on the same social media platforms, we see different things. that's not so crazy though because we all live on earth, yet experience different things.... but still a little cool to think about how we use/experience the same thing differently

so, feel free to comment your typical social media habits and usage. i'd be really interested in hearing it

anyway here's how i use it

tumblr

i don't use it as often as i did. i follow one (1) person and i look at the tags for stuff i like. if you follow a tag that isn't posted in much, you can use the "explore" tab to see if there are new posts without having to check the tag, which is how i primarily use it

before, i followed about 800 blogs and was subjected to the whims of whoever the fuck i was following. this is probably how most people experience the site, especially if you've been using it for years

instagram

used for posting art and following artists whose art i like. haven't used it much so the algorithm recommends me irrelevant stuff which keeps me off (a good thing). when i do use the explore page i only look at still images and never the reels just because i don't go on instagram to listen to sounds, which probably shows how used i am to its older, soundless version

twitter

use this one a lot. i have a personal where i follow friends and use the "following" tab so i can keep up with them. then i have a non-personal account where i follow whoever and use the dreaded "for you" tab and receive immense amounts of psychic damage (just kidding the algorithm has me down to a T, unfortunately, so i have "posts" pertaining to my "interests")

can get sucked down pretty far into the for you rabbit hole but sometimes it runs out of quality posts and starts showing you garbage and that's how i know i've gone too far

despite originally being more of a tumblr user i've come to like twitter a lot. it has a lot more characters on there and there's a surplus of normal (relative to tumblr) people. the interface also makes it so conversation flows easier, something tumblr is trying to mimic with reply threads so you know it's a liked feature

all in all i'm pretty neutral-positive towards social media but i've never used it in a way that's actively harmful to me. i think it's a nice way of keeping up with the public consciousness, which is why twitter appeals to me more, since it's a lot more chatty about mundane topics

Sensation

sometimes i get this nice, cold feeling on the top of my head. don't know what it is. it's not asmr. it happens, mostly, when i'm thinking or reading

these also happen for like a week or so, then go away to return a few months or years later (i only think a week out of a year, maybe?)

no one knows what it is, but there are definitely other people who have experienced it (this reddit thread, this blog)

i know i experience this on and off because i vividly remember the last time this happened, i searched it up again, but with "happiness" as the term instead of "tingling". the answer, then:

hehehe .............................

anyways did you know you could change the transparency of hexcodes by adding letters after it. fuck (i've always used rgba ....)

slowing down

notes on Why Having Free Will Holds You Back

The video hinges on a study conducted by Benjamin Libet. In the study it was found that the brain makes a decision before we are consciously aware of it. Additionally, a second or so before an action, Bereitschaftspotential, or readiness potential, is built up.

Dr. K, the speaker in the video, makes the connection that the difference between non-procrastinators and procrastinators (originally high and low performers) is that non-procrastinators will build up readiness potential, while procrastinators will quickly jump between actions without thought.

Procrastinate less by leveraging readiness potential. Deliberately think on the options you have, rather than having autopilot guide you. This also has the effect of intentional binding, in which you will be more likely to repeat an action you intentionally chose, rather than one you decided hastily.

Afterwards, conduct a "postmortem" on the situation. See what went well and what didn't, but don't mistake this with beating yourself up for a negative outcome. Be as logical as you can.

Another aspect of the brain to take advantage of is avoidance. Procrastinators often mistakingly think that non-procrastinators achieve success through pure dicipline. Non-procrastinators avoid as well, but choose what they want to avoid.

An example Dr. K gives is that he doesn't want to go to the grocery store at 10PM, but he also doesn't want to wake up with no food in the fridge, so he goes. In my life, I see this when I don't want to sleep, but also doesn't want to feel tired the next day.

TLDR: Take your time and make a choice, then assess what happened. Decide what you what to avoid.

catch up

Was planning on posting something here weekly. Whoops!!!! Time got away from me.

Really not much thoughts this week.

So some cool things instead:

• mmm.page: Make a website by dragging and dropping.
• RAPIDLY PRESS X TO REFUSE TO COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR OWN MORTALITY
• Puella Magi Madoka Magica Music Collection: Two hours long but I love it...... a great mix of fast and slow paced tracks.
  

posting is funny

 ok... i will try something new and be more clear. this is a log full of my doubts

i've developed a bit of "posting shame", specifically in terms of art

before, as a kid, no matter what i would post my very friendly friends (who only had good intentions) would be happy for it. i didn't have the "refined" taste i do now, so if they were happy, i was happy and that's all that mattered

i can guess a few reasons as to why this changed. the posting environment became unfriendly and geared towards numbers and speed. i got older and started knowing better. everything came to feel more instantaneous

i did fall into the trap of posting slop for attention again (terrible to admit!), but i realized that if i ever wanted to sate myself, i'd have to stop and spend more time with my art

this meant posting restrictions. only on instagram, only on fridays, every other week. and, this is fine, its worked out well so far. engagement isn't my greatest priority anyway

there's still a few of issues, though

1. the lack of feedback can make you feel pretty bad. it's the typical artist's dilemma of "is what i'm making/saying worth anything at all?" and i know (maybe falsely) that no amount of comments or likes will fix this because it's a feeling that can only be eased through self-acceptance and self-love... or something

2. the unease of having to post consistently. to me, this exacerbates the feelings that come from creativity being a gamble. actually, this issue i have a handle on, thanks to "a course in demonic creativity" (which is not about demons) ....

the tldr is, as an artist, you have a process unique to yourself. if you fully get to know what works for you, it'll be easier to tap in. in the novel, there's an example of Rudyard Kipling, who would only use the "blackest" of inks for his writing because he knew it would give him the greatest output

to be honest, i'm not sure how to end this so i will be honest and say that i'm glad i wrote this. i guess i could have journaled this (sorry, posting shame again) but posting it made me take an outsider's perspective for a second. ^__^